and I don't even know how to feel about it. But I'm not sure what else to do, either. Two days after my last post Cookie's mom called trying to get me to send money to her for her methadone appointment. It was a Saturday morning. Her appointment was Monday. She said she "went off the deep end and lost all her money", which was $1,300--but I know $300 of it went to bailing herself out of a "disorderly conduct" arrest. The rest clearly went to drugs. I asked her if she'd even test clean for the methadone and she hung up.

Matt and I decided to write a letter to the judge. It was 2 pages long and told him what our relationship and background was with Cookie and her mother; and what our concerns were. We noted that she is still turning to drugs as a stress response and that her not taking accountability for her life and actions had her making decisions that put them in unstable and stressful situations that made her prone to relapsing (which she did). I didn't know that she was facing jail time here for a DUI when she left or I'd have noted that as one of the reasons she left!

No response from her at all. She didn't call after court on Tuesday to tell anyone what happened--not me and not her mother. BUT, the caseworker called and said "I don't know what your means are, but if you were inclined to intervene--our next court date is April 21st". We talked briefly and clearly they know what they're dealing with--so they know that Cookie's mother could work the plan and regain custody, but that Cookie will be back in care eventually. She couldn't really tell me much about what they were going to suggest or do because really, I'm not legally entitled to that information.

I called the caseworker here who is bound by the same problem, but said "If you could, I would go intervene". When I questioned whether it was worth doing (talking it out to myself vs. asking her), she clammed up.

The lawyer is willing to take it on, but then--they get paid either way. So I'm not confident that she's going to tell me that we have no reason to do it.

I called my aunt who lives down there to tell her what was going on. She had been in the hospital and was now out and settled back at home--and I was aching to tell her. She told me that while my aunt was in the hospital, my grandmother (deep into dementia) took a turn for the worst. Apparently this isn't uncommon with dementia patients, either: something happens to their primary caregiver and they give up and check out. Even if the disruption is brief. As of today, my grandmother hasn't eaten solid food in over a week. She's alive on water and ice.

So I'm off... I leave on Saturday and my aunt isn't even sure my grandmother will make it until then. Court was moved to that Monday.

Cookie's mother found out about the intervening on this past Friday and called me--livid. The caseworker found that odd because when she told Cookie's mother, the mother just cried--she wasn't mad. But she was mad when she called me. I finally got her on the phone today and explained that we weren't taking Cookie away from her or out of state--that this was to get the court to recognize us as people who have a significant interest in the child and therefore entitled to information about the case. She didn't hang up on me, but gave me a lot of "Ummm-hmmmms". It was a short conversation. I wasn't going to beg her to "forgive" me. Whatever.

Meanwhile, on Friday Cookie was moved to a new foster home. They e-mailed me Friday night, Saturday morning and then again Saturday evening. I only e-mail them in response to their e-mails. I haven't had one since, though. I did e-mail them tonight to tell them I spoke to her mother. I wonder if they decided it wasn't a good thing for them to be communicating with me. I don't know. It's fine. I know she's in a good home and really--that's enough.

So yeah--a lot going on. I'm nervous. We don't have a lot of money for this. And I really don't want to get on an airplane. And I'm not sure I want my grandmother to hold out until I'm there because I'm not sure I want to see her like that.

We shall see what life holds for the next week. At least I have God's favor.