CASA is "Court Appointed Special Advocate" and they are often the most objective voice in court. Cookie's former CASA either retired from it or moved elsewhere back in December I think, but the new one came to meet with Cookie's current foster parents yesterday and she sounds very on top of things.

She hadn't yet read through all the notes left to her, but she said she's not a "burnt out" worker and will read through the whole thing. She's also going to talk to Cookie's mom face-to-face and she's likely to call us (the last one did, but it took her forever to get around to it).

So that's promising!

In the meantime, I need to make my flight arrangements for the Feb. court hearing... which is the day before my birthday.

We flew back to Texas yesterday and I came home early today. It was every bit as easy as the trip out. Cookie is high needs, but really--a very good child. She just has insecurities that might make someone who is not really committed to her very frustrated. Thankfully, we are. And her current foster parents are, too. They offered to come pick her up at the airport (a nearly 3 hour drive one-way) to save me from having to do it only to turn around and drive back (plus pay for a rental car).

It's a huge worry off of our shoulders that her foster parents missed her so much. We worried that with Cookie being so high needs that they might be relieved to "have their life back" so-to-speak... but they really weren't. I think if they had, we'd have worried about how their patience might be with her upon her return. It's a huge blessing. In fact, Cookie being gone from them really opened their eyes to a lot of ways that she impacts their lives and how accustomed they are to her being there. We had asked them from VERY early on if they would adopt her (because we were focused on keeping her out of mom's sole custody more than having her in our home) and they had said they truly were not in this to adopt. Of course, they hadn't had her very long, either. But I think at this point they are so well bonded to her that it's worth asking them again. They've been nothing but supportive, and they've said before that if we COULDN'T or WOULDN'T take her with us and she was going to go to a stranger--they WOULD keep her with them. But they were always very much "for" our having her with us. I think it's something I will ask them again at the next court date when I see them in person. They have always been about what's best for her, and we all know that disrupting her from a loving home that she IDENTIFIES as home is NOT what's best for her.

And on the way to the airport, Mike shared with me some of his thoughts. He said that it was kind of cute to hear her call us "mommy" and "daddy" all the time; but that it made him incredibly sad and hurt that those are interchangeable terms to her--that they don't hold a special and sacred place in her heart. They're just "what you call the person who takes care of you most". OMG, when he said that my eyes started swelling.

This beautiful child. This very beautiful little girl who has endured so much in her little life. We love her so much. We just want this to end.

In a word? "Chaos" :D

No, really... it's been an adjustment, but not an absolute nightmare. This morning, I got all three dressed and then let Matthew watch the Muppets on my bed while I tried to brush my teeth and wash my face. Just as my face was fully soaped up, I heard Cookie whimpering--so I instruct her to move away from the baby and the whimpering stops... so I proceed to rinse my face and dry it. I open the bottom of the shades in the bathroom as I brush my teeth and let them look out the window: Cookie gets one window and the baby gets the other.

So we're settling in.

Cookie definitely has a possessiveness about me that is difficult sometimes. She will go around and proclaim "MY mommy" or "MY daddy" to Mike (she just did it now as the baby crawled in my direction). I have to tell her that I am Matthew, Cookie AND baby's mommy and we have to share. Often I wind up with both girls on my lap as they'll argue over "mommy".

Cookie calls many primary caregivers "mommy"--her current foster mom and that family's two grown daughters plus the main daycare woman she's attached to. Likewise, she will call important men in her life "daddy". It's not really an indication of her remembering us.

Thankfully, the baby isn't a clingy baby. She really only wants mommy when she's ready to nap or when she's not feeling well. That being said, she's been sick for 2 days. So mommy's lap has seen a LOT of action.

Cookie is also somewhat afraid of the baby--who no doubt, is a bit rough. But Cookie gets to where the baby just moves in her direction and Cookie starts up with "Ouch! Ouch!" Cookie actually has a few of these tactics. "Ouch!", "Hold!" and "Diaper!" are her laments for when she doesn't want to do something or doesn't want something to happen. So she tries to distract you with "hold" or "diaper" and she tries to ward off whatever she anticipates being problematic with "ouch". But really, she's pretty easy to manage. High needs for sure; but if you know that and are up for it--it's very doable.

I give her choices: she can hold my hand or be carried. In the airport on our way here, she thought I was joking and ran off like it was a game. I promptly caught up to her and picked her up. When her screaming didn't get me to let her go, she decided she'd hold my hand when she walked. It hasn't been a problem since (although she's been reminded that she would be carried on occasion).

The behaviorist working with her current foster parents implemented "time outs". We've used them maybe 3 times (kicking and throwing without saying "sorry" and then for running off and not coming back in a restaurant. It was pretty empty, but she needs to come back when called and I tried 3 times with a warning that she was headed for "time out"). She's smart as a WHIP: she knows exACTly what you're saying. It's kind of amazing. But she's 2... which is just trouble and testing boundaries. Thankfully we have similar discipline (or rather "management") styles as her current foster parents.

And she's occasionally helpful with the baby--so it's not that bad. She hears Mike and I looking for the baby's bottle and Cookie will find one and give it to the baby. Another time she tried to "help" the baby onto a rocking horse (wish I'd had a camera). Then all three engaged in a tickle fight. So it's not all difficult.

We went to the nature museum (just she and Matthew with me) and Mike took Cookie & Matthew to the park. Today I took the older two to visit with some of Cookie's relatives here at the pizza place her uncle runs. She's been really great with all of it. And I managed to wash her curly-girl hair (which I was worried about).

When we leave the house she asks if we're going "home" and I tell her "not today--the airplane will come take us back, but not today--okay?" and she nods "yes" and goes on. It's not sad or crying or anything like that. HUGE, HUGE blessing. It would kill me if she were in pain or anguish over the visit.

So we're about to sit down for dinner now... then baths... then dance party before bed. :)