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The Cookie Cause can't thank them enough!

...that she printed out some pictures from my visit with Cookie. Cookie took one of them (one where I was holding her) and carried it around the rest of the day, kissing it and saying "hold" (she wanted me to constantly hold her).

I cried.

Well, the baby is finally ours. Today we all appeared in court to finalize her adoption. In two weeks, she will be 1yo. It feels surreal.

When she was placed with us almost a year ago, we felt complete. Just before she arrived, we had truly come to peace with having an only child and loving foster care for allowing us to have a larger family when we wanted to but allowing us to come back to just the three of us. But when she arrived, we felt complete.

We did always say that if Cookie came back into care, it would be a handful--but that would be IT. No more. And really, we didn't think that would happen anytime soon. It really surprised us that it happened when it did.

But what a feeling that the baby is finally ours. As I pushed the stroller from the courthouse, I felt free. I had no idea how restricted I felt when she was still a ward of the state. Now we could make the decisions for her without the intervention of people who don't do as much research as we do and don't hold the same values as we do. It's a huge relief. We've been fortunate to have reasonable caseworkers, but some of the things they believe are a little scary. And some of the things they find disturbing is... well, disturbing.

That's over for the baby. And I couldn't possibly love her more. I was more in love with her today than I've been--which was weird. I think maybe somewhere in my head I worried SOMEthing would happen and she'd have to leave. But as I sit here and type, I'm almost a little sad that she's sleeping (well, not that sad! ;) ) because I just want to hold her. She can't stand sleeping next to us at all (she has sensory issues) so we don't always get to snuggle her; but she is so much more social and neurotypical than Graham in a way that allows us to connect with her on levels we weren't able to for years with Graham. The other night, she tried to feed me her bottle. I think Graham was 4yo before he actually offered me anything of his.

Let us hope for an end to Cookie's journey soon.

In the meantime, listing the house is off until the spring. Matt's company changed a rule on the fly that affected how long we would have to use relocation benefits--and it depends on when you start the process. This is huge because we need to be in our current state as long as possible if Cookie comes back.

So in the process of figuring out what to do, we REALLY did well at figuring out how to stay in our current state as long as needed for Cookie while complying with the relocation requirement by renting in one place or another (depending on whether the house sells, etc.) and Matt spending a defined amount of time in IL to satisfy whatever his company will require. We'll need to file taxes there, but... at least we know we'll be able to manage with Cookie's case.

I was able to see Cookie briefly yesterday and was stunned at how different it was. Her foster mother invited me to the house before she took Cookie to daycare to spend an hour or so with her. At one point, the foster mother and I were standing about a foot apart and Cookie turned to ME to pick her up.

I went to eat dinner with the family later and again, Cookie showed a preference for me over the foster parents. They were stunned.

But today takes the cake. We went for our supervised/evaluated visitation and Cookie couldn't get down out of her foster father's arms fast enough when she saw me. We had a great time and she was CLEARLY bonded to me in a way that even shocked me. I was so surprised at how much stronger and clearer it was this time. She loved my phone and at one point, she inadvertently called Matt. I thought she was trying to get the phone just to get the phone, but she wanted to hear his voice. Her reaction was astounding: she was excitedly frantic trying to figure out how to get to him through the phone--and was waving to the phone and blowing kisses. The foster parents said she's never done such a thing.

When I had to leave her, the foster parents said that she called out "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" They note that she WILL call her foster parents, foster sister or primary daycare worker "Mommy" as well; but she will not just call anyone with some level of relationship to her "Mommy".

They also said that although Cookie fights getting dressed each morning (viciously), this morning her foster father told her that she was going to see me and she immediately cooperated in getting dressed. They said they have yet to see her have a reaction like this to another human; and had considered that maybe she had an attachment order. They have also seen Cookie with her mother (at a birthday party that included Cookie, birthmom, caseworker and foster parents with their child).

Yesterday I also hired a new attorney. We're hoping the case will move in a different direction; and doubly hoping it's not too late.

I'm trying to purge and then stage the house for sale. Last night I caught a hell of a break and my class was canceled so I was able to shop for some staging things. I got new curtains we really needed and scored a new leather sofa for $259 (a floor sample of a discontinued line originally $1,099).

Did I mention I was in school? Oh, yeah... with the relocation, I need to finish my degree NOW. So 3 of the 4 graduate classes I had left need to be taken this semester. One is only given in the fall, one is only given in person (and in the spring, I'm likely to miss too much of it either because we move or because we're traveling to scope out relocation prospects) and the third, I have special permission to take without having a job and the help of a former classmate--so I need to take it while all of that's lined up. Blech.

Cookie's motion to terminate the parental rights was acknowledged, but that was IT. I fired our lawyer yesterday. Matt and I agreed that at this point, everyone's working on reunification and our lawyer's just waiting until they actually try to send the baby home to do anything. No, thanks. We want no part of it. We can just as well stop all this nonsense and rest knowing that the court knows who we are and recognizes us as a part of the case. They have a completed ICPC agreement. So if she needs to go somewhere other than her mother, we know they know about us and we're cleared to take her. I'm going for the evaluative visits and I'll go down for court. We WILL interview another lawyer who may know more about limiting what the mother can do once the baby is back in her care (like not leaving the state she's in--again--so that the clock doesn't restart AGAIN if she relapses AGAIN). We'll see. We DID raise enough money at our last garage sale to cover the retainer. One weekend (Sat-Sun) and another Saturday made us $1,100! I hate to think of how much we originally spent on those things. Granted, there were a lot of items donated to the cause that fetched us good money, too.

Yesterday our lawyer for the baby's adoption got the papers from CPS and told us to pick a date. Her birthday is Nov. 7th. Date options were 10/22, 11/5, 11/19 and 11/20. Of course, I picked the first available date. :) Hopefully that will be it!!

My BIL gets married Sunday evening. Matt and Graham are in the wedding. The prior Sunday night, relatives flew in from Italy and one of my inlaws closest friends from high school finally lost his battle to cancer. So there was the wake on Tuesday night, more relatives coming in for the wedding on Wednesday, then today (Thursday) is the funeral. I think Friday night may be the rehearsal dinner and then the wedding Sunday night. It's a full week to say the least. Monday we have the realtors coming to update the market analyses. Thankfully, there's a high-priced house in town that just went under contract. One of our agents talked to their agent who said they didn't slash the price. Even if they did, it would've been down to what we were hoping to get for ours. And their house is assessed for $10,000 more than ours. They listed theirs for $40,000 more than we're allowed to under the terms of the relocation agreement. Cross your fingers. I'm PLOWING through staging this house. I took "before" pictures of most of it. Wish I'd taken shots of the attic because that's impressive. :)