Well, the baby is finally ours. Today we all appeared in court to finalize her adoption. In two weeks, she will be 1yo. It feels surreal.

When she was placed with us almost a year ago, we felt complete. Just before she arrived, we had truly come to peace with having an only child and loving foster care for allowing us to have a larger family when we wanted to but allowing us to come back to just the three of us. But when she arrived, we felt complete.

We did always say that if Cookie came back into care, it would be a handful--but that would be IT. No more. And really, we didn't think that would happen anytime soon. It really surprised us that it happened when it did.

But what a feeling that the baby is finally ours. As I pushed the stroller from the courthouse, I felt free. I had no idea how restricted I felt when she was still a ward of the state. Now we could make the decisions for her without the intervention of people who don't do as much research as we do and don't hold the same values as we do. It's a huge relief. We've been fortunate to have reasonable caseworkers, but some of the things they believe are a little scary. And some of the things they find disturbing is... well, disturbing.

That's over for the baby. And I couldn't possibly love her more. I was more in love with her today than I've been--which was weird. I think maybe somewhere in my head I worried SOMEthing would happen and she'd have to leave. But as I sit here and type, I'm almost a little sad that she's sleeping (well, not that sad! ;) ) because I just want to hold her. She can't stand sleeping next to us at all (she has sensory issues) so we don't always get to snuggle her; but she is so much more social and neurotypical than Graham in a way that allows us to connect with her on levels we weren't able to for years with Graham. The other night, she tried to feed me her bottle. I think Graham was 4yo before he actually offered me anything of his.

Let us hope for an end to Cookie's journey soon.

In the meantime, listing the house is off until the spring. Matt's company changed a rule on the fly that affected how long we would have to use relocation benefits--and it depends on when you start the process. This is huge because we need to be in our current state as long as possible if Cookie comes back.

So in the process of figuring out what to do, we REALLY did well at figuring out how to stay in our current state as long as needed for Cookie while complying with the relocation requirement by renting in one place or another (depending on whether the house sells, etc.) and Matt spending a defined amount of time in IL to satisfy whatever his company will require. We'll need to file taxes there, but... at least we know we'll be able to manage with Cookie's case.