PMS is still a big problem. I need to take my meds more faithfully. 'Nuff said.

Buddy left us a week ago today. He went to a SHSP ("ships") home. They serve "medically fragile" children. We thought the respite foster parent was ridiculous when she said he was choking so frequently, but he was home about 5 days and had 4 incidents of stopping breathing in 48 hours. So on one hand, I'm sorry he left; but on the other--I'm glad: I don't want to have a child die in my care. We tried to find immediate CPR training, but apparently that doesn't exist.

Buddy being in our care started to make us wonder if we could bond with a child of another race. Not just African-American... but any child that didn't look like they could be ours. Combined with the very unsettling incident we had at WalMart (when I was alone with the 3 kids and told by 2 AA women that I should find my own kids and stop stealing black babies) I'm not sure how to approach adoption outside of my race. Is this something you get used to? And even if other people GET used to it... could we?

Wednesday we were told that Cookie would be recommended to go home on 5/19. It's possible that the judge won't wait 12 days (court is on 5/7) and she'll go home immediately. I just went out and bought her a new wardrobe. I would have had to do it anyway because she just hit a new size. She'll start her new life well dressed if nothing else! I'm going to miss her.

The next day we got a call from Trenton to say we had been matched for adoption. Of course it's a little AA girl... almost 2yo. Something is very wrong with her because she's not walking yet and has a ton of Early Intervention therapy. Speech/communication, OT and PT. We agreed to find out more, but are really concerned about her not walking. She may be more special needs than we can handle given Graham's stuff.

Oh... Graham's "stuff"... includes being at a small gathering today at a park where he was the oldest child and 5 of them run off to hide under a huge holly tree. Suddenly, Graham is crying and screaming only to find that one of the kids has thrown dirt/sand into his mouth and face. The two other boys were apparently the culprits and they were 3-ish. All I could think was that we were in for a lifetime of this kind of crap. That maybe I was naive to think he wouldn't qualify for his diagnosis this year.

I'm tired. I just want to sleep. And I'm not pregnant again.