I really am going out of my way to help the birthmom. I put together a little suitcase memory box with her hospital bracelet and umbilical cord stump. I offered to take pictures of her each week. I started a first year calendar for her. Then this feeling came over me and I thought "Wow, these might be mine someday". Apparently mom has lost her rights to her first child--eight years ago. Her drug history is very long and very bad. They're not hopeful about her coming through this.

It's not like I'm attached to her. But then I wasn't attached to Graham at this point, either. I spent a whole pregnancy not knowing if he'd arrive--so I'm familiar with the feeling; but most other people insist that if I'm even considering that she might stay, I must be attached and in denial. It's infuriating. I have no feeling for her yet. In fact, I have to remind myself to kiss her and snuggle her. I have to make it a point to talk to her. I feel like I'm babysitting--so trust me, I'm not attached yet. And likely that's because of the situation. So far for us, fostering makes you feel like they could leave at any minute. So you're preparing for it all the time. I realize we're relatively new at this so maybe that will change.