So, Lena and Amanda left an hour ago to live with their paternal grandmother. They are thrilled. I did what I could to help Amanda. I spoke with her attorney and scanned and sent her documentation. I called the state ombudsman office. I even called CASA (although it's too late for that now). I wrote up all kinds of instructions (unfortunately in English) for the grandmother and told the state worker that transports the girls that she needed the section on Amanda's speaking to be read to her--that she needs to understand those guidelines to help Amanda.

But they're gone. And it's okay. I'm okay. I'm almost a little relieved. Graham, on the other hand, astounded us. He saw the girls putting all of their stuff in the state van and said "Are the girls going home?". After 3 months of living with us, he "got" that they weren't "ours". I made the mistake of saying "yes"... after all, since when does that stuff register with him? (background: he has an autism spectrum diagnosis and had an extremely hard time adjusting to their arrival). Well it did--and he was SO UPSET. If I would've said "No, they're going to the doctor,"--he'd have been completely fine. I'm so stupid. He was also really tired and due for a nap--which didn't help. For a minute, he stood at our door with his head on his arm crying "But I miss them so so much...". I cried and cried. I was okay with the girls leaving; but I never wanted this for my son. I shouldn't have said that to him. I should've treated it like camp and he'd have been fine--like he was for camp.

Meanwhile, we took in a new baby last night. So I packed the girls before the baby came in and as a result, it was a pretty smooth transition. She's so TINY...! She wasn't premature--just low birth weight. Mom & baby tested positive for cocaine and morphine at birth. The documentation says that baby was exposed to cocaine and methadone. Oddly enough, that means she'll live a far more normal life than the child of a pregnant drinker.

And mom appears to love her child. She has resided bedside to the baby (holding her every moment) until she was discharged. The maternal grandmother is coming in from Texas to potentially take custody in 2 weeks... so we have no idea how long she'll be here. Last night was rough. She really likes to be held! And she appears to be allergic to dairy protein--so I've switched her formula to soy. We'll see how it goes.

The baby came from my local county office and they have been WORLDS better in giving me information about the case. I think I never want to take another out-of-county placement in my life! No kidding--I got more information about court dates and team meetings in 24 hours than the other office gave me in 3 months. And honestly, it's good that the caseworker is keeping us informed so that we don't get too attached. Now I just want to help this baby and her mom instead of keeping her. I wouldn't have been able to let myself believe she was staying anyway, but the thought would've crossed my mind once in a while and I may have fantasized about it. Now I won't do that. It won't change how I treat her: I know a baby NEEDS love to form healthy attachments. So love is my job here! :)

I kind of like this job.