She was with us from 5 days old. She left today.

We were struggling to find a way to provide closure for Graham. We decided he needed to say goodbye and really have something to DO with her going. We've been preparing him for over a week that Cookie was going home to her mommy and that she misses her mommy so much... blah, blah, blah... We already started the day with "celebrating" that Cookie gets to be with her mommy, but it didn't really feel like a party day... kwim?

We had a little while before the caseworker came and Cookie was taking a bottle. Matt was holding her, and Graham started mimicking her--position in my lap, kicking feet when she did, etc. I think it was his way of saying goodbye to her and dealing with it.

I did have him pick out a book for her to take home and he chose one that we had bought FOR her long ago and it was in her room until recently. I searched his bookshelf for it and couldn't find it--so I asked him to come pick a book for her to take home. He went to his bookshelf and grabbed THAT book. I was so annoyed that I asked him where he found it and he brought me to his bookshelf--but I swear I had searched EVERY SHELF. I had him put it in her duffle, and then had him fill another duffle with the outgrown clothes and asked him if he thought she would have enough clothes to wear. I made him pack the pic of her birthparents.

But he went out back before she left and now she's gone and he's acting fine. I'm sure it will crop up here and there going forward, but it's not the crying fit he had when the girls left--so I feel a LOT better about it.

Matt and I are intermittently tearing, but overall--we've made our peace with it. We realized that she was sent to us to teach us that we WERE capable of loving a child that wasn't ours by blood. If we didn't hurt to see her go, we would never know that. Likewise, she wouldn't have known the love that an infant deserves to know--even if they can't be with their parents. And since we hope to adopt and worried about this--it was an important lesson. And she needed our help when we were able to give it.

I hope her mother continues on this path. I hope she never comes back into care. Of course, if she does, we will be first in line to take her in...