Of course, Cookie's mother called this morning and read me something that just put me into tears about how being a mother has changed her so much. She then thanked me for taking care of the baby so well and involving her so much. All I could do was cry.

She told me that she spoke to the birthfather. It was a lot of mixed messages. The result was clear: he didn't want to be with her and the result was that she spent a day in bed. I told her that I thought that was miraculous given what she could have done. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

But I put her in the car, kissed her, said "Lovey, lovey" and went inside. My eyes just welled up. I miss her already and I know she's coming back on Monday.

Her mom wanted to be sure she had the schedule right... the feeding correct. What to use on her ears and her diaper area. Asking if X would be alright instead. Checking to be sure she was doing the right things. I had to respect that she didn't assume to know it all just because Cookie was hers. You hear about parents that do that: they assume the child is theres and despite the fact they haven't been living together, the parent would "just know" what to do and to use. Usually to the child's dismay. So I am glad that the mother goes through it with me with such detail.

Some foster parents wouldn't have that kind of contact and just let the birthparent fail. But I know that Cookie would suffer in the meantime--and I just love her so much.

I'm not sure what to do now. On one hand, we feel like we should take a break, reassess ourselves and decide whether to keep fostering. On the other hand, I feel like if we're left without another child to distract us, it will be worse.

I don't know...

It's raining today. How appropriate.